


Hearts for Forgiving

by mooonwaffle



Series: Playing with Fire [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: BAMF Gwen (Merlin), Bad at loving, Café, Cenred sucks ass, Coffee, Dev's happy, F/M, Financial Issues, Gwen isn't taking his shit, Hurt Everyone, Hurt Merlin, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide (past and very little detail), Karma's a bitch, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Merlin feels really bad, Merlin is a Little Shit, Merlin is sad, Mordred is sad, Newspapers, Overprotective Will, Past Abuse, Poverty, Prostitution, Reporter, Running Away, Sequel, Starting to forgive, idk what's gonna happen yet, polyamory characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2019-06-19 03:07:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15500970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooonwaffle/pseuds/mooonwaffle
Summary: Sequel to Lips for Cheating!!!---It's been three years since Merlin cheated on Arthur and Mordred, and a lot has changed.When Merlin walks into a coffee shop the morning after he moves back home, he sees someone he thought he'd never lay eyes on again. Could this be a sign? Or just a clumsy mistake that meant absolutely nothing? Either way, life was only going to get more crazy.





	1. Coffee for a Dick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys/gals/pals enjoy the very first chapter of the sequel!

Chapter One-Coffee for Dick

 

        **MERLIN PRACTICALLY RAN**  down the streets of his hometown in a hurry, a stack of papers wedged between his torso and elbow and the other, an arm carrying his laptop and his hand holding a phone up to his ear.

"Bloody hell, Deveraux! You had one job!" He yelled angrily through the speaker of the phone as he pushed open the double acting door with the base of his foot, "no, no don't do that or he'll fire us both." He sighed, annoyed at his assistant who wasn't really assisting him at the moment. 

Merlin walked up close to the cafe's counter and gazed at the menu while carrying on the hectic discussion, probably annoying a few customers along the way. His voice was quieter now, though he was still very much annoyed at his assistant. "Just put the files into the shared folder under the drive-" he paused and walked up the employee, "just a coffee please," he ordered and handed the worker a five.

"No, the public folder, you idiot! You shouldn't need a password and if you do, you're doing something wrong. Dev, I swear to god... son of a bitch," he cursed. The bastard had hung up on him.

"What size?" 

"What?" Merlin snapped at the worker, finally looking up. His jaw dropped the papers underneath his arm nearly fell as well. The worker, a beautiful curly haired man with gorgeous blue eyes and the pinkest of lips was looking at him impatiently, "Mordred," he gasped.

"Took you long enough, you bastard," the man snapped, "what size for your coffee?"

Merlin was sidetracked at the way his voice sounded, it was still the same; deep and husky but at the same time, amazingly sweet and curious, "I-I, uh... medium, please."

Mordred rolled his eyes and passed back his change after grabbing a cup and writing his name on it, which he obviously already knew. Merlin shivered at the feeling when Mordred's fingers touched his to give what he owed.

"I haven't seen you since you cheating on me multiple times all those years ago," Mordred shot, maybe a bit harshly for his character.

Merlin's heart immediately sank and shattered into a thousand pieces, he could've only guessed he caused Mordred and Arthur the same grief, "I-I-"

"Save your breath, Merls. Punching you in the jaw released most of my anger..." he said calmly, then frowned, "but not even close to half the sadness that followed."

"Coffee is ready for Dick!" He heard another employee yell from the far side of the counter.

"Mordred," he replied so softly you might have thought it was a whisper, "I'm so so sorr-"

"Coffee for Dick!" That voice yelled again.

"That's you, Merlin," Mordred glared and nodded over to the far side of the counter, "I don't want an apology. I've forgiven you, it's only a matter of me still getting over the fact that I was never good enough and can never be," he explained in a tone Merlin couldn't identify. Mordred pulled the sleeves from his jumper down and awkwardly called over the next customer, "next!"

Merlin stumbled away starstruck and walked over to the counter to retrieve his coffee in which Mordred had written dick on to mock him. He gave one last look at Mordred before kicking the door back open and leaving him behind.

 

* * *

 

    **MERLIN WALKED INTO THE**  large building just off the corner of the cute little cafe he'd just gotten his coffee at. He took a sip as he looked around the lobby. It was a beautiful and modern place. The walls were white and so was the furniture and any other detail with various other shades like grey and black. He was starting to second guess bringing his coffee into such a room.

"Mr. Emrys, so glad you could make it. I'm Elyan Breakville," a man with chocolate toned skin greeted him, sticking out a hand to shake with his. Merlin took it and smiled warmly, "our offices are just through this way."

"It's great to be here. I was so happy to hear the job offered to me was back here in my hometown," he admitted as he followed the man out of the main lobby and down the hall. They eventually came to a larger hallway with dozens of thriving and struggling writers in several different rooms. Phones rang ominously in the background as eager voices picked them up and sounds of people clicking away at keyboards filled the huge space.

"This is our office area. The creative writing columnists are over there as well as the sport writers," Elyan pointed to the first two rooms on his left, "and over here is the room where you'll be working at. Your desk is the bigger one on the right. Devereux!" He yells at a tall man with blond and bangs that fell over slightly on his left eye, before turning back to Merlin, "you've met Devereux, correct?"

"Yes, we had an interesting conversation over the phone earlier today," Merlin nibbled at his bottom lip nervously as Dev walked over to them.

"Good, I'm glad you two have met. As you already know, Devereux here is your secretary but he also works for more than just you. He will get you whatever you need," Elyan's phone suddenly started to ring and he looked at the number, "sorry, I have to take this. Feel free to punch in and get started right away. The next issue goes out in five days. I'll talk to you later," he said before scurrying away.

"Devereux," Merlin nodded at the man before him. He looked different from what he expected. He was rather pretty but quite odd looking as well.

"Sir," he nodded back just as awkwardly, "can I get anything for you?"

"No, that's fine. And don't call me that."

"What should I call you then, Si-"

"Merlin is fine, Dev," he paused, "actually, can you grab me another coffee? It's going to be a long day," he sighed, pulling a seat on the rolling chair in front of his computer screen, "I take it black."

* * *

 

Merlin cracked his knuckles at the keyboard. He'd been there two hours and his hands were cramping, causing him slight pain and annoyance. He'd finally found the files Devereux so inconveniently placed, which took up about thirty minutes of his work time. But he knew the lad was just doing his job and figuring it out. He was probably new and Merlin still felt bad for how he talked to him before. He should probably apologize... Maybe later...

The raven-haired man worked vigorously to finish his first draft on the topic he was assigned for his column in criminology. He would need to interview the head detective of the case he was working on to finish the rest and come up with a headline.

“Dev!” Merlin called out and rolled his chair back from his desk to peak out into the rest of the room. A moment later that blond man appeared, who reminded him vaguely of Arthur- but that wasn’t something he wanted to think about, “can you reach out to SIO Manello about a possible interview regarding the current case?”

“Yes, sir,” Dev quickly ducked away before Merlin could correct him. He sighed, shook his head and saved his first draft.

 

* * *

 

It was late by the time Merlin got back to his new apartment. He closed the door behind him and locked it. The apartment was shabby and smelled musty. Thick layers of dust seemed to cover almost everything and he was still pondering if it was safe or not to use the washing machines in the spooky basement. He wasn’t able to afford anything nicer, which one of the reasons he was so eager to take the job. Cenred, his ex, had paid for everything when they were living together…

Merlin put the kettle on and brewed some red tea. He poured some milk and honey in and set it on the table while he undressed from his work clothes.

He stripped from his jacket and button up shirt and pulled off his trousers. He hadn’t had time to unpack since he just arrived last night so he pulled out his night clothes from a suitcase. He pulled out a soft, knitted jumper and pulled it over his head. He didn’t bother with pyjama bottoms and just walked out into the main room with his briefs and the jumper. Taking a seat, he set his tea down and opened up his journal where he’d write and draw random things.

He flipped to a certain part, one of his most recent and ran a finger along the page, letting out a sigh. He winced when his fingers touched the pressed flower enveloped in tape to keep it from falling out of his journal. Cenred had given it to him when they met. What a sweet man he was at first. IT was a daisy and he had taken it from the vase in a cafe on their first date. Merlin convinced him it was stolen but Cenred didn’t care, and so Merlin didn’t either.

The raven-haired man bit his lip and tucked his knees to his chest. He leaned his head back on the wall behind him and rolled his sleeve up. He grazed his fingers over the marks and scars from Cenred. Merlin chucked his journal across the room and pressed his face into a pillow on the couch. He sobbed into it and the pillow was like his friend, allowing him to hold onto it, collecting his tears, holding his weight. Normally he wouldn't cry like this but his day had been so gloomy. Seeing Mordred and everything from the past getting brought up didn't help either.

He dug his nails into his arm.

_It’s karma, it’s karma._

The pillow was damp from all his tears. Although they didn't actually stain, you could never really rid the them.

Merlin let go off his arm where four little half moons from his nails were imprinted into his skin. He hadn’t meant to do that. He didn’t want any more nasty scars when Cenred already burdened him with enough of those.


	2. Sad Lad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin sees Mordred again at the cafe and things seem a bit different. He and Dev resolve the conflict they had over the files and grow a little closer...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit! I've been away for ever, I'm sooooooo sorry. This past month or so I've been working on this story after my long hiatus so you should expect weekly updates from me on this story. Thank you to anyone who was waiting and having the patience for this next chapter.
> 
> Here ya go, pals!
> 
> ALSO. Sorry my witting is so trashy in this first chapter and the old books :/

Chapter Three-Sad Lad

 

**“OH, IT’S YOU AGAIN.”**

That was the first thing Merlin heard from Mordred’s mouth when he walked into the coffee shop the next morning.

“Sorry,” he mumbled and took out some cash. "Medium coffee, please.”

Mordred raised an eyebrow and took a cup from the stack, writing on it with marker. “One thirty-three,” he told the man in front of him. Merlin paid, handing him the correct amount. Merlin started to walk away but Mordred stopped him. "Are you okay?”

“I should be asking you that,” the raven-haired man replied instead. He glanced up at Mordred noticed he was wearing the same shirt as the day they met. His long-sleeve Evanescence shirt. He frowned slightly and continued to walk away.

“Latte for… Sad Lad,” someone yelled. Merlin blushed and snatched the drink from the employee's hands. He wanted to look back, glare at Mordred or give him a small smile, but he didn’t, he couldn’t. He walked out of the cafe with mixed feelings in his heart.

 

* * *

Merlin rested his fingers on F and J as he thought over the past week. Everything had gone alright, he supposed. There was bad and then there was something in between but never good. He’d seen Mordred for the first time in years, which fell in the somewhere in between. Then there was the bad, like memories popping up and depression in general. He did finally finish his final draft for his first article, so that was a positive. But there hadn’t been a time when he was actually happy so far. Oh, well, same as it ever was.

Dev had set up the interview with SIO Manello for the next day at twelve. He was actually quite proud of him and he was growing fond of the man. He shouldn’t be mad him for one small mistake like misplacing a file anyway.

“Hey, Dev?” Merlin called the blond man over. A moment later he stood in front of him at his desk.

“Yes, Merlin? See- I called you Merlin instead of Sir,” he stated proudly.

“Yeah, thanks.” Merlin swiveled his rolling chair side to side ever so slightly. "Anyway, I just wanted to apologize. I’ve been kind of rude to you. You were just trying to do your job. We got off on the wrong foot, so I’m sorry.” He looked up at Devereux for the first time to see a kind smile on his face.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s a stressful job, I get it,” Dev then rested his hand on his shoulder and left it there for a few seconds, sending chills down Merlin’s spine, “very stressful…”

Merlin looked up at Dev with an odd stare. The red-head removed his hand and walked away, getting back to whatever work he was doing. Merlin began typing up an article he was assigned about the prison system. It was difficult but he had his associates degree in English for a reason.

The time seemed to go slower every time he checked it on his desktop. He just wanted the day to end already so he could go back home, take a steamy shower and brew a nice cup of warm chamomile. Then fall into a blissful sleep and dream about flying across London.

He sighed to himself and continued to persevere through the boring, lengthy, article.

 

* * *

 

Merlin woke up early, the sun was barely out. He shivered at the coldness in his apartment. Although what could you expect with it costing him less than 450 pounds a month. An arm wrapped around his waist which he was thankful for because of the other person’s body heat.

“Do you have coffee?” Dev’s breath hit his neck as he spoke.

Merlin shook his head. “I need to buy some. But the kettle’s on the stove if you want tea. There’s Chamomile in the bottom cupboard.”

He felt his assistant get up from bed and the heat vanished. He pulled the covers up to his head, not wanting to get up because of the cold and because he didn’t feel like it. Footsteps trailed out of the room and the door closed quietly. He shut his eyes and blocked out all the noises coming from the kitchen. Finally, he fell back asleep.

_ Merlin looked out the window, watching as a man and a woman outside danced passionately. They didn’t care if anyone was watching or how back they were at moving. They looked at each other with such love in their eyes that it didn’t matter what they were doing or who they were with, as long as they had each other. The man dipped the woman and kissed her on the lips. Her mouth opened wide with a giant laugh and she hugged him lightly. _

_ He wished he could be anywhere but his house. He just wanted to go outside or to the library or the small cafe down the street. Or dance with Cenred and love him and him love Merlin back like that couple he’d seen. But his boyfriend was at work. Which meant he couldn’t leave the house or talk to anyone other than himself. He was barely allowed to go anywhere even when he was home. _

_ Merlin sighed and pulled himself away from the distractions of the window. He continued sweeping the hardwood floor into small piles that he would later pick up with a dustpan. He swept the kitchen, the living room and began doing the hallway leading to the bedroom. He carefully swept up every last speck of dust until he reached the bedroom. He opened the door and continued on the inside, picking up some things on the floor as he went. _

_ The raven haired man heard the jingle of keys, then the knob twisted and the door opened. Cenred was home. Merlin picked his head up and the broom followed him. It hit a half-full glass of water and it fell to the floor, shattering. He paused and all the colour in his face drained in one second. _

_ Merlin stood perfectly still, his breathing getting heavier with each second of silence. Two months ago he would’ve just unpaused and picked it up. But not he knew Cenred and what set him off. His ticks, triggers, pet peeves. He had lists and lists. _

_ He heard footsteps rushing towards him a moment later the door swung open even further, slamming into the other wall. Cenred looked pissed to say the least. He stared darts at Merlin and then the broken glass on the floor. _

_ “How fucking hard is it to pay attention?! You’re always doing that, aren’t you? Not paying attention, huh?” He yelled angrily and bitterly. “And look what happens. This happens.” _

_ “I’m sorry.” He’d meant it to be a normal tone but it came out a broken whisper. _

_ “You’re what? You’re sorry?! If you were fucking sorry it would’ve have ever happened! You never listen! You make everything so hard. All you have to do is listen, Merlin! Is that so hard?” _

_ “No. You’re right, I don’t listen. I’ll try harder next time, I promise.” His voice shook. He bent down and began picking up the glass shards. His fingers were trembling so hard that he accidentally cut himself on the index finger, “fuck,” he muttered. _

_ “You’re such an idiot sometimes. Your IQ is dropping, babe,” he snapped. He took Merlin by the shirt and yanked him up. _

_ “I know,” he grunted in pain. _

_ Cenred dragged him into their bathroom and turned cold water on blast. He shoved Merlin’s bloody finger under the stream, “fucking stupid. Touching fucking glass with your bare hand. I swear, you think you have magical powers sometimes,” he spat. He stopped the water and stared at his still bleeding finger, “gonna need stitches. Go grab your sewing kit.” _

_ Merlin quickly turned and went to the cupboard to grab his sewing kit. He didn’t know hot to sew and he didn’t even like it. Cenred had gotten it for him on Christmas, claiming that would now be able to patch up all of his clothes and save them a lot of money. _

_ He hurried back with it in his other hand and gave it to his boyfriend. Cenred opened his arms and motioned for him to come sit on his lap. Merlin really didn’t want to but he had no choice in the matter. _

_ ‘Don’t worry, it’ll all be over soon. And after we get you all patched up, we can discuss what you’ve done wrong and how you can change.” _

Merlin shot up in a sweat. He was breathing heavily. Stupid memories. They were always popping up; in his sleep, during work, and everytime he was alone.

The smell of eggs and toasted bread filled his nostrils. It smelled good but also made him slightly nauseated. With all the energy in his body, he pulled himself out of bed and threw on a pair of trousers. He walked into the kitchen like a dead man, with no motivation whatsoever.

“You made food?” He said, although it was more of a question.

“Well, yeah. We have to eat,” Dev replied in a factly matter and scrape the scrambled eggs onto two plates, “do you not normally?”

Merlin shrugged. “Sometimes. I’m just never really hungry.” It was true. He didn’t necessarily have a bad relationship with food, it was just that his stomach always seemed full.

He decided he would at least try the eggs and buttered toast. And obviously he would have the tea. The two took a seat on the floor in front of a table with their paper plates. He hadn’t yet bought any chairs and the place didn’t come with any. Merlin lifted a forkful of eggs and took a small bite. He took another after that and with each bite, the food seemed tastier. They were the best damn eggs he ever had.

“These are really good. I’m surprised. Thank you.”

Dev smiled, looking up at Merlin. “Well, I’m glad. Don’t be surprised. I’m a pretty damn good cook if I do say so myself.” He took a sip of his tea and then paused, sending Merlin an odd look.

“What?”

“I know this isn’t really my place but I’m just curious… about your arms.” He motioned to Merlin’s bruises and scars.

“You’re right, it isn’t your place and it’s none of your business,” he snapped. Devereux's face fell and it caused him to feel a little bad for what he’d said. But he still stood with it. It had nothing to do with Dev so he should stay out of it.

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to make sure that no one is hurting you, including yourself.”

Merlin looked up at him and sighed to himself. “I appreciate it. I’m sorry I snapped. But no,  no one’s hurting me.”  _ Anymore.  _ He took a sip of his tea and it spread warmth through his body. It looked like the other man was going to say something but he shut his mouth.

“If you’re cold, you should put a shirt on,” Dev chuckled at him. Was it that obvious how freezing he was. He didn’t know why he hadn’t put a shirt on. Too lazy he guessed.

“Or you could warm me up.” Merlin sent him a lustful look from across the table.

“Round two then, hm?”

Devereaux smirked and moved over to where he was sitting. An arm slipped around his shoulders and suddenly the red-head’s lips were on his. He kissed back, no with passion or romance, but with lust and need.

“After this I should take you shopping for coffee grounds and actually food,” she chuckled, his thumb going down to the waistband on Merlin’s trousers.

 

They walked through the street market, passing laughing children eating freshly baked cookies, young couples looking at flowers to plant in the garden of their new homes and business men sitting afar reading the morning news. Merlin held a small basket in his hand and Dev had another, though it was slightly larger.

“I still don’t get why we’re here if I obviously can’t even afford my rent.” Merlin rolled his eyes at his collegue.

“Well, the prices aren’t actually superbad. You get what you pay for and you’re supporting local farms. Plus we’re only really here for one thing and that’s coffee. It’s going to save you a lot in the long run if you just start buying it instead of ordering it everyday at some cafe.”

He sorta liked buying it everyday at a cafe. He wasn’t necessarily happy to see Mordred when he had his shifts but it did bring him into reality and reminded him of what he did… and how he should never forgive himself.

“Why do you even care? We just met and you hate me.

Dev shrugged. “I don’t know. I suppose I just like helping people. Growing up, my family didn’t have it good financially. But I turned my life around for the better and now I’m pretty well off,” he explained. “Hey, doesn’t your job pay well? Why are you still struggling?”

“I’ve just started. I haven’t even gotten my first paycheck yet. Besides, I spend a lot of money on other things.”

“What other things?”

“Hey, there’s a fruit stand. I’m going to buy some apples,” Merlin skewed their conversation and distracted himself with a giant pile of red delicious apples. He picked out three and handed the woman some money, then placed them into his basket.

“You’re pretty odd, Merlin. You know that? I’m still trying to figure you out.” Dev took a few pieces of fruit himself and dropped them in his bag after paying.

The two of them walked back into the crowd of people in the middle of the street enjoying the market as they were. They found a coffee stand soon enough and Merlin picked out a dark roast. They had some samples out so he took a mini cup and filled it to the top with black coffee.

Devereux shook his head as he drank his sample. “I don’t understand how you can drink it black. I’m not one of those crazy people who claims to love coffee and then proceeds to fill it up with mostly creamer, but I definitely could never drink it completely plain.”

Cenred liked his coffee black. He forced Merlin to do whatever he was doing; eating the same thing, sleeping the same amount, and drinking plain, unsweetened coffee. He was used to it now. “It’s not too bad,” he mumbled and finished what was left in his cup. He dumped it out and they continued down the streets of London.


End file.
